I can't sleep at night. Ottokhae ottokhae?? T^T

Hi-yom T^T

I can't sleep I can't sleep I can't sleep ...
Every night when I want to sleep, I always have this nervous feeling. My heart is racing and my mind is running. I keep imagining the whole things! Well, below is the description.

My imagination :
I join the online audition and I pass the first round. I am so happy that I can't say a word. I try to tell my parents about this amazing news. I also say that I have to fly to Seoul to do the second round. My parents *obviously* don't allow me. Mm, they might be like this : "Hellow? Fly to Korea? Become a singer? Blablabla? Don't joking around!". Of course I don't directly say : "Oh, alright then, never mind". A big NO, okay. And then, I kneel on the ground and beg them to allow me. I keep explaining how much do I love this dream and how much effort I had put in it. Yeah I know there is no guarantee that I will surely pass the second round, but at least I'm a step nearer to achieve my dream! I beg I beg and I beg. Finally, they allow me! Yippeee ~

After preparing everything, like passport, money, and other thingy, me and my father fly to Jakarta first. We don't directly fly from Jakarta to Incheon, but we transit at Singapore first. Mm, about half an hour of waiting, we can finally fly from Singapore to Incheon. All the way, I can't sleep. Just imagine that, this is like a dream! *Oh well, this is only an imagination actually T.T*

After a long way, finally we arrive at Incheon International Airport. I can't describe the view because I never go there before. I just skip to JYP Entertainment building. There are a lot of people who want to audition also, about 25 or 30 peoples. That makes my heart racing crazily! Then, a lady come and give us instruction to wait at the waiting room and fill in an application. Because only the audition participant who can go in, my father wait outside. He gives me a kind of "hwaiting" action *Oh, this is totally an imagination T^T*. I'm so happy with his support! I swear that I have to make it!

After fill in, all of us wait for about 10 minutes until the audition begin. We are divided into 3 groups which contain 10 members for each. I'm in the second group and number 13 *oh lucky 13, that's mean I'm the number 3 in my group*. The first group enter the room and after a few minutes, I can hear they are singing. Their voice are too good! Are they a singer already?! Sigh. This makes my stomach hurt and I feel like wanna smack my heart. It's racing so fast and I feel like out of breath. How can I sing in this kind of situation??

Finally. Hahaha. It's my group turn. I don't need to tell you how is my feeling right now, it is totally ..... uuugh =__=. There are three judges, 2 guys and a lady. There are also a cameraman lady. The judges ask the first participant to sing, and then the second participant. They cut two of them quite early. About 30seconds after they sing, judges ask them to stop. And FINALLY, MY TURN. Gyaaaaah! I feel like wanna faint off *although this is only imagination, I really feel like it is real*. I sing Back To December by Taylor Swift. I sing the reff part directly, considering it is only 30seconds to sing. I can feel that my voice is trembling. But only for about three seconds. After that I can make it smoothly. I don't know why but I feel like mine is a little longer. It is not 30seconds only, but, maybe 45seconds? I don't know.

Singing part is over and now is the rhythm test. The judges give us a kind of hip hop music and we have about 50seconds to show our dance ability. Since there are also some boys in my group *and I'm so small compare to the others*, I need to stand out so that judges can see my seriousness in this audition. Hey, the music is so catchy! It is perfect for some waving and popping. So I just start dancing, feel the bit, and slowly walk a bit forward so that I didn't in a line with others. I don't know if I look like a weird girl or not. I just know that, THIS IS MY WORLD and the judges can see me clearly.

When I'm just about having my fun to dance, 50seconds is end and the music stop. One of the judges tell us to wait outside and the last group is coming in. Man, I didn't know that this would be so much fun! Try to show off your ability although you are not a pro one. My heart is surely back to race when the last group come out. It is time to hear the announcement. We wait for about 15minutes and finally the judge come out. I don't really know how do the judges announce to us though, so, let's skip to the final imagination.

For conclusion, I did it. I DID IT!! I'M OFFICIALLY A TRAINEE RIGHT NOW! I'm officially a trainee right now! I'm officially ..... a ..... trainee right ..... now. Officially .... Huweeeeeeeeeee, all of them are just my imagination x'O, not a real one. Not a real one :'(

Well, that is my habit at every night and it causes me can't sleep at all. This is so torturing! I have to stop this. How? There is only one way : Pass the online audition first. Or .... get allowance from my parents? Hahh .. Nado mollayo.

God, only You who knows my desire clearly. Please show me Your way. I'm begging You :'(

Okay, that's all about my imagination. Sorry if it is annoying for you. Bye-yom!

With Love,
Pc <3